Mistakes: A Way To Learn

Today I learned that mistakes is a very good way of learning. Well I suppose I should say I once again reminded today. I have already known for a long time that people learn throught making mistakes and of course that's the best way to learn something that you'll remember and know for a life time. But why am I so afraid to make some for myself?
I think I screwed up big time. I sorta think that although I have the faith that my results for this semester are gonna be alright but it definitely wouldn't be alright for the old me. It definitely is not good enough for the best in me. I admit the fact that I cared too much about perfection that I forgot how to make mistakes. I acknowledged the fact that I'm actually scared to make mistakes ever since I got perfection in my life.
Well, I should say 'So what?!'. I can't changed whatever that has happened. The only thing, the only rightful decision that I could make now is to learn from whatever that I have not made in the past semester. That's how I can be perfect. Going through the ups and downs of life and finishing the whole cycle. Just like a racer would not quit halfway but finish the race till the very end.
So I aim to improve and be better and not regret about the mistakes that I have made. I should think of ways to remind myself that these mistakes are the bits and pieces that I have not learned how to deal with yet and it is time to get these skiills into my personal almanac. I suppose what I should do as of now is to list down every single thing that I didn't do and every single thing that I did wrong last semester and make it an effort to improve on them.
LuvBoBo

A Realization

I suddenly reflected upon the way I did things this semester and started to do some self evaluations. And so I happen to find out that I am actually better off flying solo than being in a team. Not that I'm not a good team player but that I like working under my own stress, my own pace and of course my own flexibility. I actually realized this while trying to revise for my marketing paper. And therefore started reflecting on the different assessment pieces that we've got so far. Or maybe this could just simply indicate that I'm born to lead. I'm natural leader. Which basically explains why I can plan and think so much better when I'm all by myself rather generating ideas and working out ideas with other people. Then all I have to do would be to let people under me know what's the plan and ask them to carry out for me which certain due dates and certain quality to be expected. I guess all of these kinda make sense a little bit why I'm always so ambitious and so competitive with myself. Actually I don't really care who's the best and so on. What I really do care is the fact whether or not I have achieved my own set of targets and whether or not I've gotten what I wanted myself to get. Myself is the true enemy and the true competition. 

And also recently I started to find back the old me. I should say my old fighting spirit. The fighting spirit which carries lots of confidence, certainty and firmness with it. I'm kinda proud with that but at the same time I need to keep reminding myself that every passing day is an opportunity to shape and mould myself into a better person. Because I believe there's is a greater goal in achieving the meaning of life.

LuvBoBo

Lost

These few days have been really weird for me. I feel different to the person that I used to be. I feel strange with all the unfamiliar feelings that I felt. I don't feel as 'me' anymore if you know what I mean. The cockiness. The certainty. The confidence. The bitchiness. The feeling of I'm sure I'm right. Because lately I really don't think all these apply to me as frequent as they used to. So hopefully I'll gain myself back soon and bounce back to normal. That's what I felt for the Econ paper this morning. Like, I'm not sure anymore what I'm doing, either to myself or with myself. So I need to find and regain myself. The old me. For the betterment of the remaining papers that I would have to sit for and for the betterment of the interview that I would have to attend.

I need to feel right again. The feeling that I'm right because I'm KK. The feeling that I'm lucky because I'm KK. The feeling that I'm the chosen one because I'm KK. Those are the feelings that I need to regain back in order for me to feel right again. In order for me to feel normal again. In order for me to be like the old me again. Don't wanna be lost anymore. As the old me would be someone who is always certain and sure of whatever he's doing. Therefore, I need that feeling and strength again. In order not to be lost.

P.S. I had my very first blood test yesterday to check for STI. I suppose more specifically to prove myself clean of HIV. It was not as bad as I expected it to be in terms of pain and swelling and so on. So overall it was pretty alright. And now all we have to do is wait for the results to be released next week. Gotta make an appointment with Dr. Hope tomorrow for the coming Friday consult. Hopefully everything is alright *fingers crossed*.

LuvBoBo

Since When I Forgot How To Do So

Over the past few days, I’m supposed to be revising and revisiting the materials that have been taught throughout this whole semester. I ended up could not concentrate as the study method I used was totally not me at all. Until last night, when I was talking to one of my friends that I realized that I have forgotten that was the way to do things. Since when? I mean, since when, did that study method I’ve been using my whole life slip away from my practice? It’s just so unbelievable! Isn’t it? I mean I am who I am and I should be whom I used to be. So today I’m gonna go back to that old me. The confident one. The certain one. 

LuvBoBo.

A Four Season Year

You know people always say how many incidents can happen in a year. Well, in a four season year things are just gonna get more interesting and fascinating. 

Year 2009 is one of the years that passed by so quickly that I didn't even have the chance to glance back and reflect on what had filled this year.

These are some of the significant moments that occurred this year which are really dear to me.

• PETROACT, We were having our AGM the other day and it was at the same venue where we first had our very welcome dinner at our very first day in Canberra. Looking back, it just told you that how fast time has passed and how soon it is to be knowing that I'll be done with my first year at university. Of course, the very first day and night that I spent in Canberra is significant to be posted here in my personal 2009 events journal.
• Traveling, How much I have travelled during these past 9 months or so and how many places I have visited. These experiences are very worth remembering and very enriching at the same time. It's good to know that going to INTEC and undergo the 18 months of torture wasn't so bad after all. You have friends everywhere. Places visited in chronology - Brisbane, Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Gold Coast, Sydney, Sydney. As of now, I'm just gonna save up money and see what I can do for this coming summer.
• Personal life, No doubt that I've gained a lot within these few months and met a lot of people and heaps of guys. Haha. But the most significant one is yet to come but I think he has already appeared in my life. And how everything would proceed would actually depends on the meeting tonight whether we're just gonna be regular meet-ups or proceed to another level. So be patient.

LuvBobo

What's Going On?‏

Not sure what's going on at the moment? But I can't seem to concentrate. I can't even do anything apart from slacking and delaying what I should be doing for both my Marketing and Accounting assignment. Is it because love finally struck on me and that it's on another level compared to those imaginary ones that I've had before? I can't even say what it is for sure. I just know that it finally felt right with Brett and that I'm in bliss whenever I'm with him. The fact that this is happening is sorta predictable after the first meeting that his ex wanna get together again. Kinda should have prepared myself to protect myself from getting hurt. The resistance that he was trying to impose the other night had been for good use but the both of just couldn't resist it. We're just like two people who;re not meant to fall for each other. I know that somewhere some place in his heart that he can't the bear the feelings of leaving me but sometimes that's just the way it is.

To be frank, actually it is not official yet, Everything is just like pending but it seems like I'm kinda already preparing for the worst. So much for being the optimistic me all these while. I just know that I'm afraid to being told what's it gonna be when the time has finally come. Unless it's working for me not against me. So what I could really do now is nothing but just to be praying about it that luck would be on my side. And that's the thing that's keeping me from concentrating with my life and carry on doing stuffs that I'm supposed to be doing.
LuvBoBo

Love or Crush

I'm all guilty right now because as of this very second and moment I should not be having a dilemma whether that's love or just a crush. What's going on with me? 

On the one side, I think I have finally found that someone but the thing is he's been married before and he has two kids. However, I can feel that there's an honesty that's coming from him and I can feel the family-ness with him.

On the other side, I know I'm pretty much a bit greedy and lusty that I realize I have a crush on my coursemate. How pathetic that is. Pathetic because he doesn't even know. Well, he's not supposed to know anyway. Or else it wouldn't be a crush anymore. It'd be more like an unreturned liking. Haha.

Whatever it is, the dilemma here is that should I be focusing on the family guy that I managed to meet in life or should I wait for the little and mere possibilities that somehow crush guy would like me too? 

LuvBoBo