Love ≠ Power

Powerless. This is the first time I felt so powerless in my life. Here in uni. Here in Canberra. Here in Australia. Here, my heart was stolen by someone. Someone whom I love and care so much about.

It has been one week I did not make my bed. And it has been one week too since I last saw B and have a very strong feeling that I would wanna spend every moment with him, again. Undoubtedly, he is the man who makes such a mark in my life. He is also undoubtedly the one whom I'm willing to spend the rest of my life with. I am willing to go forever with him.

Only B. Only he can make me feel so special and cared for. Only he can make me like I'm really gorgeous as he likes to put it. Yet, at the same time, he is also the only one who can make feel so powerless. Powerless that I dunno what to expect. Powerless that I don't have the capacity to change his mind about the whole age issue. Powerless that I can't convince him that I do not mind at all.

These few days have been better though. Getting to meet him the other day and getting several texts from him really got me stoked. He is the only one who can steal my breath away.

Good Gray~!

Good gracious me! Doesn't time flies like a supersonic jet,or anything that could fly faster? Phew, gracious me, it's already Week 8 and it's the last day some more, to add the taste of it. How I wish time would just slow down a little bit. Not that the journey wasn't fulfilling but more like the journey taken as a whole is too precious to lose without the ability to savor it. The semester has moved on so fast that within two weeks' time, it's yet time again to hand in assignments and also undergo some break time, like FINALLY!?! I feel single but at the same time I also think I have not moved on much with B. Besides, I always feel very much loved and cared for whenever I am spending time either with B or A. And now, I even have a "Russian internet boyfriend" who communicate with me on an ongoing basis. Haha. Shouldn't I then feel privileged? Then why am I still feeling very confused and unsatisfied? I suppose the ideal person to take my heart would be B but age is such as issue for him and the fact that we never really did much during the past year. A is also pretty good and that we have very similar thinking but then again this isn't what he wants. And with my RIB, he's still in Russia like D'uh and the fact we have never met and all, it's just too complicated.

And Here I Am

Having an conversation the other day with A made me realized that I actually kinda like him but at the same time it also made me realized that I could have been liking him and wanting him just because I still haven't given up and moved on from B. I know that sounds awfully complicated but that's the way it is now. When he said 'no', initially I did feel a pinch but afterwards I realized it is not a pinch of rejection, but more of a wake up pinch. A wake up call that made realized I could have just been wanting him as a substitute for B. The reason why I finally became clear was because that when B texted me the other day saying he'll probably find out whether he's finally going interstate in two weeks' time, I could still feel the kick in the gut, and hence that's when I found out I have not truly moved on from him. And as I have told myself until I do so, it would be unwise and unfair to let someone else in. And therefore, I haven't and here I am being single and all.