Predestined

As usual I always have my emotional moments when the exams or due dates are approaching and therefore would be wondering away and daydreaming. And that's basically how I get to wonder and thought about this predestined issue. 

I was watching Masterchef this once and then I get to see the pure happiness coming from the hearts of the contestants shown clearly without any hiding on their bright faces. And also while watching the Australian Idol 2009 I get to feel the moments once I treasured so much for being one of the most important elements in my life. And now, all those privileges are being taken and robbed away from me. This incident occurred on the very day that I signed and handed in what I labelled as and called my 'sale of selfness' contract. That's because that marked the very beginning of my predestined life. To be frank and truthful, I'm not a 'rules and regulations' person. I wanna be as flexible and care free as possible as I can. However, this thought seems so far away and merely possible now. 

That's the very when my freedom was taken away from me. Stereotypical thinking might say that people out there would be so envious of me because of this so called 'golden opportunity' offered to me plus the fact that I'm smart, clever, achieved good grades, yada yada yada but I truly and honestly think I envy those people out there more than I think I'm good. Honestly. And seriously. Not to say I don't like my life at the moment and not to say that I'm an ungrateful person either. Just that I don't embrace the thought of the reality that the way I could mould and shape my future is being so limited right now without me breaching the contract.

That's one thing. The second fact that I'm kinda not proud to announce to the world would be that the 'golden opportunity' actually requires me to be very 'detachable'. And that's the thing that I'm not looking forward to either. It's such a sin to give such a irresistible temptation which is basically now still a hole that I can never ever fall into at the moment. Wonder how it would be like to be free again. 

That's all for now I guess before I tune into the 'emotional' mode again.

LuvBoBo

Changes of life

Dear dears,

It's been quite some time since I last posted or wrote anything here. I'm not really sure this is a good sign or the other one. The thing is I usually only post stuffs when I feel the need of having someone to listen to my problems so that I'd feel much better. So I suppose this could be a sign that I'm having less problems nowadays or it's just the fact that I'm either too lazy or too busy to get them heard. Haha. 

Oh well not really. I'm kinda feeling confused and sad at the moment thinking some things here are not gonna be permanent. I always have to move on from one place to another. At least I'm less prone to make rash and irrational decisions nowadays. That's a good thing. But back to the main point, the thing is I don't wanna be so easily attachable and detachable. I don't wanna be flexible like the Post-it Stick On notes. What I''m really asking for is so that good things that ever happen to me stay with me. I do realize that my journey here in Australia has become more and more interesting but the thing is as we always say, all thing have to come to an end. Well, can it not please. Because frankly even though I'm the type of person who seeks changes in life, at the same time I'm also vulnerable and scared of the unknowns that are awaiting me ahead in life.

To some people it mat seems like a good thing to have a bit of a mystery and surprise in life. Good ones are not too bad though. It's all about when someone is starting to have real connections and real attachments to something that they're committed to, then that's the hard thing to give up in life.

LuvBobo

Pondering Upon Life

The exams are coming really really soon but all that I can think of is actually why is there so much to study, as in why do people have to study for so many years before being "tortured" or "abused" in the work force. Come to think of it, isn't it so just so unfair. The effort and time being poured into creating a future is exactly the same as preparing yourself so that you are able to feed yourself in the coming future. Where on earth is the "enjoyment" element here? Is this the main reason of education? Sometimes I really wonder upon it and sometimes I am just on the verge of investigating what is the true meaning of life like the Buddha did during his time.

When we talk about true love, people think we are purely so naive. When we talk about one big happy family, people think that is unbelievably childish. Then why is there fairy tale in the first place? Why place hope upon someone who is innocent and  turn around to crush them by telling them those are pure fantasies and are very unlikely to be happening in this cruel reality of life? Why can't this world become simple and easy again just like "Giselle" in the movie "Enchanted"? Why can't everyone have their dream come true and meet with their Prince Charming like Cinderella did?

LuvBoBo

 

Love

I think I'm in love. It's hard to say or describe but after being so long I think I might be having a crush again. It certainly is not the best feeling in the world as it makes one feel so insecured and yet at the same time feel love in the air. Being in love is definitely not the same as having a crush, How I wish I am in love right now rather than loving or liking someone in the most passive mode ever. This is really driving me insane because I just don't know how to respond in this kind of situation because I obviously have not been dealing well with this kind of situation in the past. Looking back at the history of FS, then FB, then Mr.Y. Sigh. 

I just finished the quite a perfect date but the thing is it felt more like a parting dinner. I totally have no idea why it felt that way but that is just the fact. Probably because I am sure that in the future I probably get to meet him less compared to before. It's such a sad case that you're unable to tell that particular guy in the face in person that you have feelings for him. I feel totally disabled as this point of time. However, I believe the angels of love have been kind enough to me for letting me had the chance to dine with him.

I only have one more wish right now which is for the fate to be on my sight to let me have more chances of communicating with him. I certainly would not want our first dinner date to be the last moment we're gonna be interacting with each other (although it may seem so). It is just a mere seven more months left for the opportunity to spark. I mean, after seven months, who knows what and who is to predict the future. We might lose contact just like that. How sad a thing that would be, right? I mean, why is it that all the guys that I have crushes on would have to part with me eventually? Physically, of course. Not to say that it is relationship wise.

LuvBoBo

thinking about life

after about two months now in Australia..I realize that there is one thing that I constantly did..and that that is pondering upon my real purpose of being here at the ANU..sigh..I know it's kinda late and stupid to this kinda thing now..but that's just the fact..we all need to reflect on our lives every now and then..I mean..that's how we improve right..talking about improvement and changes in life..I personally think that I've changed a lot..the thing I don't really understand is that why I'm not so me anymore..where has the artistic me gone to..why am I not singing anymore..why am I not writing songs anymore..why am I suddenly the person who subsribes to The Economist and force myself to read articles and articles that I don't really understand or even care about..why am I not a cry-baby anymore..I expected or predicted my self to cry for hours and hours on the day I departed for Canberra..why am I suddenly so corporate..and the most important thing is that why on earth am I here at uni doing something which is not really on my own will..why am I even doing this to myself..why didn't I rebel and protest the fact that I want to be in the entertainment field..where on earth has the rebellious side of me gone to..maybe and just maybe..this is what people call the process of life and the process of growing up..because why no one even bothered to do the April fool trick yesterday..is it because it is too silly to do so and just pure immatured..I definitely have no answer to those questions..but one thing I know for sure is that I've accepted fate..but I won't let fate lives my life..I mean..this is my life..no matter how fate has arranged for me I still have the rights to lead the way I like..or on other word..living the way that I would suffer the least..haha..people must have thought that I've gone crazy or nuts..but the fact is that I'm alright and I'm not having any emotional break down..I mean it's just hey..has anyone thought of so many things about our lives before..perhaps yes but maybe not..people are just too busy to think of these kinds of little details..however..these details are the ones that can make understand more about life..I believe..at the least that's what I thought what the Buddha would want me to understand..hardships or no hardships..that's just how life is supposed to be..but happy or not..it all depends on how we want it to be..

LuvBoBo..

one week of Australian life

having settling in for more than a week now in Canberra at the ANU..I deeply feel that there are just so many activities to attend to keep ourselves occupied..perhaps this is all what O-Week is all about..to get attached and not to be homesick especially to all newcomers..but at the same time I do feel that we have too little time to attend all those stuffs..it's due to the reason that most of them clash with one another and we have to choose one to attend..that's the hard part..it kinda gives you a feeling of dilemma..

speaking about dilemma..I have to confess that I'm in a very very great dilemma..but I guess the seriousness of this problem only applies to me because it's very much personal..it's all about relationships and stuff..and every night when I was about to got to bed..I just get this "Oh my God!" thingy clouding over my mind polluting me with imaginations..wild wild imaginations..sigh..

another thing is that..it ws my birthday yesterday..although there wasn't any celebrations going on..it wasn't the worst or the loneliest birthday though..perhaps it's because I have more than 30 friends wishing "Happy Birthday"..or perhaps more..well I kinda have to admit that I'm kinda old now..joining the 20s..haha..but looking on the bright side..I'll be 21 soon ..which is about 12 more months to come..and I'll be an official international adult..I guess that's when we need to have the biggest and craziest birthday party of my life..haha..keep dreaming..but I can't promise that I won't though..it'll be no harm if by then I already have lots of Aussie dudes and beauties as friends..and more importantly..it'll definitely fall on summer holidays..

LuvBoBo..

a new life a new experience

oh my gosh..just where do I start exactly..

it has been a really worth it experience of coming to this new place..

the capital of Australia, Canberra and coming to the ANU..

I just never thought I would fall in love in this place so much that practically I don't regret my choice anymore..

well..I only regretted for a while when I was still on the Dash on the way to land onto Canberra..

the people here are just absolutely fabulous and extremely friendly..

and I just love the food and culture here..although food can be a little expensive though..

not only I am in love with Canberra..I guess I am also in love with the ANU and the people here as well..

I kinda had a crush on this particular person before I even got here..well..and i just kept bumping into him every now and then..which just kinda polluted my mind a lot..haiz..

and that yesterday while at the Village watching the circus..I kinda saw something I should not have and it's really disturbing my mind now..

well..I guess I'll just have to ditch the problem aside for a moment as to not ruin my mood..haha..

well..I dunno..I just feel very belonged here in Canberra..I felt like it's very meant to be..I have a very natural love thingy for this place..I hope it's just temporary..haha..not that I don't want to like this place..it's just that I definitely can't forget my obligations towards my country and my company..

I guess that's all for now..someone has called for hangouts..

LuvBoBo..