The Perfect Man

I have always said that the perfect man for me would have the following characteristics:-

-ginger head, curly hair, split chin, lefty, no specs, not a doctor, taller than me, able to cook, green eyes and most probably not an Asian (with no racism intended, just a preference)

However, these few weeks of my solo journey without B made me realize that all these are not as important if you can't spend the rest of your life without him. B has fulfilled most of the list.

He does not wear specs, he is in fact taller than me, he is able to cook (very well too), he is not a doctor nor an Asian, while the rest of him are dark blonde, neat hair, wrinkly eyes, right-handed and light blue eyes. Hey, but so what? He is the guy whom I've spent the most amazing 9 months with. He is the guy who actually cares for me. Sadly, he just might not be the guy who can stay by my side. But if there's is any slight chance that he can, who cares whether he is older than me by a leap of years? Well, at least I know I don't.

Somehow, all these made me realize that he is the one. He is my perfect man.

It's Time To Face Things

I'll admit it. Yeah, my results this semester were not so good or probably not good at all considering how it is the worst of all my time here at the ANU. But what can I say. Even though B and I technically broke up on the 5th week but the blues and stress have been going on ever since the exam period. Ever since that he did not wish me good luck.

I'm not exactly sure now whether liking or hating someone is easier. One thing that I do know is that he might have cheated on me when we were together. Not sure whether is the sorta cheating that everyone refers to, or the fact that he has been lying at times. I'm not exactly sure how things are gonna work out, but why can't I just enjoy being single? Why am I so afraid of being alone and being reminded of the wonderful times that I have spent with B? Am I in denial? I actually have no room for that sorta of thinking at the moment. All I want to know is that I'm "clean" when I receive my results this coming Thursday. It's very important to me.

For how long that I have not been updating this blog is for how long that I have been running from my own sadness and try not to feel bad about it. I know that I would have A now but is he the better man or the better substitute? That's because I do not want to substitute him for B. I feel that is unfair for him because he is such a nice guy but at the same time I do not dare to treat him like the better man because I'm not sure yet whether he has the same feelings for me or not.

Taking the bus this coming Thursday might be another nostalgic ride. Because the other day, sitting in the bus while waiting for it to take me to my destination, the whole journey only reminded me of one thing. The moments that I have had with B. All the wonderful memories of the past year. So I was wondering whether it is time to fit all those parts and parcels of my life into a box and seal it away in one corner of my heart? The thing is I was so ready to 'delete' B from my system until he gave me a ring the other day that started to create false hopes in me again. Sigh. Another thing that's hurting is the fact that he's not replying my texts or calls. Is he avoiding me on purpose, for the so-called right thing to do? I dunno. I can't read minds. Only time will tell, somehow that's the feelings I got.