thinking about life

after about two months now in Australia..I realize that there is one thing that I constantly did..and that that is pondering upon my real purpose of being here at the ANU..sigh..I know it's kinda late and stupid to this kinda thing now..but that's just the fact..we all need to reflect on our lives every now and then..I mean..that's how we improve right..talking about improvement and changes in life..I personally think that I've changed a lot..the thing I don't really understand is that why I'm not so me anymore..where has the artistic me gone to..why am I not singing anymore..why am I not writing songs anymore..why am I suddenly the person who subsribes to The Economist and force myself to read articles and articles that I don't really understand or even care about..why am I not a cry-baby anymore..I expected or predicted my self to cry for hours and hours on the day I departed for Canberra..why am I suddenly so corporate..and the most important thing is that why on earth am I here at uni doing something which is not really on my own will..why am I even doing this to myself..why didn't I rebel and protest the fact that I want to be in the entertainment field..where on earth has the rebellious side of me gone to..maybe and just maybe..this is what people call the process of life and the process of growing up..because why no one even bothered to do the April fool trick yesterday..is it because it is too silly to do so and just pure immatured..I definitely have no answer to those questions..but one thing I know for sure is that I've accepted fate..but I won't let fate lives my life..I mean..this is my life..no matter how fate has arranged for me I still have the rights to lead the way I like..or on other word..living the way that I would suffer the least..haha..people must have thought that I've gone crazy or nuts..but the fact is that I'm alright and I'm not having any emotional break down..I mean it's just hey..has anyone thought of so many things about our lives before..perhaps yes but maybe not..people are just too busy to think of these kinds of little details..however..these details are the ones that can make understand more about life..I believe..at the least that's what I thought what the Buddha would want me to understand..hardships or no hardships..that's just how life is supposed to be..but happy or not..it all depends on how we want it to be..

LuvBoBo..